JPMorgan Chase is Satan spawn.

• You know what, I bet Chase wouldn't care if I had to kill several small animals to make payments. I bet we'd be on the phone like:
• Chase: Hi, how can I ruin your life today?
• Me: Yes. I'd like to make a payment.
• Chase: Oh? Has your situation changed?
• Me: Yes. I steal hamsters and guinea pigs from small children, drown them mercilessly in my laundry room sink so as not to spill a ton of blood, skin them, and use their pelts to make counterfeit Ugg boots.
• Chase: Excellent! What check number would you like to use?
• Me: The date is fine.
• Chase: Alright! Thank you so much. Good luck!
• Then they break for lunch, which consists of human livers garnished with the tears of their victims, washed down with the venom of a thousand cobras.